sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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