like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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