He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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