i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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