you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
