That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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