things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
