Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
