were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
