This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my liver is dry heaving
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
