This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
