I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
