Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize