you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
