sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
