pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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