went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
God, I missed his penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
