the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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