This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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