Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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