If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
