cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
our cab driver is having phone sex.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
