I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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