just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
