you win again, gameday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
