I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
