I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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