Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
