I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
