Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
