Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
