Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
