and you said cock pushups were impossible
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
