Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
