and my herpes radar will keep us safe
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The adults are the big ones right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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