i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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