This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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