I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
