i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
