I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
