You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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