You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
