I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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