im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
