We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
