took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
