Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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