Dual....:-)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
