sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
