took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize