So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
