i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
