I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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