i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
