i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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