no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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