The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
