Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
