I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
