He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Quick, to the slutcave!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
