Whats the glycemic index on semen?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
