I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
