I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
