"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
send nudes
from the living room?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
