a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
