Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
